Filling the Void

This summer we have had plenty of good times, but lately I feel like there is this certain void that I haven't been able to fill. I guess I have felt a little home sick for the west end of the country. I did grow up out there, and I still have some friends living out there, and I guess lately I just want to get back to the old times. I like my life now, but I think about how nice it would be to have no extra responsibility of paying a mortgage, or taking care of a family. I would love to be able to see the mountains out in the horizon again. Thinking back on it now though, I probably didn't know what I had when I had it. I have looked at pictures of myself from years ago and I was so much thinner, but sadly I thought I was fat then, I couldn't just like who I was.

Okay, this has become a depressing post. I am off to the gym, hopefully I will have a better mood upon my return... Exercise usually does help to fill the void and stops my negative thoughts.

my dream, before Father's Day

Last night I dreamed about my dad. I did not even remember that I dreamed about him until later this morning, and I thought, "oh yeah, I dreamed about dad last night..." This may be no big deal for most people, but my dad died on May 20, 2004, and I like being able to see him again. What I remember about the dream was good, I greeted him, I was very excited to see him, and I told him that I was so glad that he came by to see me. It seems like I was at a party or something, I was holding Little Princess, and I lifted her up to him and introduced them. I remember also that it didn't feel like a dream, I remember even consciously thinking, during my dream, "wait, this feels real, it's not a dream!"

I really miss my dad, and even if it was in my dreams, I was glad to see him again especially the night before Father's Day.



That is the latest picture I could find of Dad, it's probably the Halloween before he died. He is the guy sitting in the chair petting the dog in the background. Big Princess is performing, playing witch for everyone to watch.

summer time is play time, kinda.

I feel like a bad mommy sometimes, I just don't like playing with the kids all the time. My favorite summer time activity this year is great because I spend good quality time with the kids and I can just sit and watch. We have made a habit of catching lightening bugs every night starting at about 7:30. The kids catch them and let them go. They have started naming them and Little Princess will even decide who is related to whom. Big Princess seems to get bored with it sooner than Little Princess, but it is still good time spent with the Princesses before we go inside to get ready for bed.